Recently, I took the Myers-Briggs temperament test and it feels as though everything has fallen into place in my world. There is nothing more satisfying than knowing that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Granted, I was advised to take this by my counselor. Albeit, a bit embarrassing to admit, but at the same time, I am not embarrassed in the slightest. I have always been very self aware, and I always had an inkling that my dissatisfaction with my circumstances was just something I couldn't handle on my own. By circumstances, I am in no way implying that there is anything in my external world that should cause me any dissatisfaction whatsoever. I am quite privileged and lucky in the grand scheme of things, and I am completely aware of this. It is the bottom of the iceberg of reality that is troubling: my internal world. I have always been a very thought-oriented person, which may imply that I am very shy and reserved. Until I discovered that I was an INFP (Introverted-Intuitive-Feeling-Perceiving) personality, I thought that I was completely abnormal and that I needed to be fixed. The ironic thing is, is that I am actually quite devoted to the people that I care about. You could even say, a bit too involved. It is the initial encounter that terrifies me. As the Myers-Briggs test so eloquently stated "Although they [INFP] demonstrate cool reserve towards others, they are anything but distant." This hit home. I often find myself constantly combatting myself between: "I wish that people would want to get to know me," with "I don't know how I can let people in." It is a complicated dynamic between wanting to be know, and not wanting anyone to know me. I almost bask in my individualism, feeling as though my own personal integrity with myself is enough to satisfy the ever-cloying ego that we all possess; the desire to be loved and admired. All of this internal torment prompted me to see a counselor, which proved to extraordinarily helpful. She informed me that introverts only make up 25% of the world, and INFP (one of the eight introvert personalities) only make up 1% of the world. Being an introvert herself, she said that it has always been difficult navigating through an extroverted world. This discovery did not make me feel lonely or overwhelmed; it made me feel unique and special. It is all about perspective. Instead of focusing on my grievances towards my external world, I need to bask in the solitude and splendor that is my internal world. After all, that is where my interests lie. It is all about being in-tune with yourself and figuring out how you want to project yourself into this ever-so complicated world that we live in. Reality is objective. I encourage everyone to take the Myers-Briggs test at some point in their life. Sometimes self-awareness is the best medicine.
In other news, my satisfaction with the adventuring part of my life is at an all-time high. I have convinced my much-too-practical husband that we should hit the road and kiss school good-bye. Our Europe trip has been cancelled, and Thailand is in the works. Once again, a product of my practical husband and our ridiculous lack of funds. Regardless, Thailand will be an experience of a lifetime For this effervescent dreamer, I am stoked that this is actually becoming a reality. Some more far-off dreams I possess are to: hike the John Muir Trail (this is in the ropes), hit the west coast with nothing but my husband and a van, and spend every moment with my nomadic best friend, Desaray. For the first time since we were 10 years old, we are in the same place, and I couldn't be happier. Many adventures await us.
It is important that we constantly focus on the things that make us happy, and disregard what society expects from us. It is easy, especially in this day and age, to become bitter and resentful of humanity. We are, after all, a piece of this existence, and we all fit together. That is the key though, we are but a piece and the only way we can possibly be expected to exist in this world is within our own realm of reality. Celebrate who you are! Share it, but never let society shape you into anything but your authentic self.
