"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am"
I often think of how strange it will be when I die. How I may live in the minds of my friends and family for a few years, but when they are all gone, the world will go on without me. I hope some day I can stitch my life into the world, so I can live forever. I've also been thinking about how painful childbirth will be and how I wish that I could just be put out for the entire thing. Don't worry, I am not even close to bringing a child into the world, but it is something that haunts my thoughts. I don't know, my thoughts are crazy. Here are some hilarious pictures I've discovered out in cyberspace.
Pickachu kitty. How cute. Also, I figured out that there are just some people you can't live without. Unfortunately, I learned that the hard way.
On a happier note, here is my spring/summer playlist:
Okay, so before I go on a long, sad tangent, here is an adorable picture.
It is 6:22 a.m. and Brent just left for Canada. He will be gone for 4 months. 116 days, to be precise. 1/3 of a year. Considering how the most I've gone without seeing him the past 6 months is about 4 days, I think I just might die from withdraws.
I may have to take up his offer to be a lifeguard at his little towns pool and live with his family this summer. It seems like a shame to wish the summer away, but I can't possibly imagine thoroughly enjoying my days without him. As my post title song goes: "Time on my hands, could be time spent with you." Perfectly describes my feelings. Although I doubt there is such a thing as a good good-bye, I think we managed to find some solace in this sad situation.
I think the thing greater than telling someone you love them, is showing someone you love them. I always tell people that everyone seems to think they have a purpose; to be a teacher, a doctor, a missionary, a thespian, what have you. To spread the word of peace, of hope, of love. You know, everyone has a purpose. I figured that my actions would be nothing but a blip on the radar compared to the world, but I always figured that the best I could do in my life is to share it with others. If everyone devoted their life and love to 5 people, then there would be no sorrow, no suicide, no pain; just transcendent love. Okay, thats unrealistic, but its my dream. So, I think the best I can do with my life isn't to make inordinate amounts of money, but to pour my love into another person. I almost believe that people are only half of themselves, and that someone else is meant to fill in all the missing pieces. That is why we search so hard for love, and esteem it so highly.
Back to the nitty gritty. In few words, I miss Brent already. When you invest so much in another person, its almost as if you take some of their life in return. I guess I can find comfort knowing that we are carrying each other wherever we go.
So that is enough of my sickeningly emotional rant, happy easter everyone! By the way, no matter what your parents may tell you, 19 is a perfectly acceptable age for an easter egg hunt.
So it has been confirmed that I am going to live in Canada when I am older. Probably somewhere around Victoria, B.C. Especially considering how Donald Trump is leading the Republican vote. I am not living in a country that is ran by a balding celebrity. Besides, the people are so polite and comforting. I may even finish out my bachelors degree in B.C. I can't quite possibly describe the beauty of my vacation, or the revelations I experienced, but I feel as though I belonged there. Anyways, here are some pretty cool pictures I "stumbled upon." How punny.
Yeah, I know none of those pictures are even remotely related to each other, or what I was talking about, but they are interesting nonetheless.
So uh.. Yeah. I guess I am going to Canada at 5 a.m. tomorrow. It was decided about... 2 hours ago? No passport. Parents are faxing my social security card and birth certificate to Montana tomorrow. If that isn't spontaneous, I don't know what is. You Americans enjoy this great country of ours. I am going to be lounging in beautiful Alberta, Canada. Land of the maple leaf, home of the mighty beaver. I am beyond excited.
Alright, well it has been a long time since I have posted, so this is going to be filled with all kinds of exciting things. First, Spring Break. I turned 19, I spent it with my best friend Brent, I got to see the lovely Maria Rodriquez, and it was hands down the greatest trip of my entire life. Here is Brent, and myself at La Jolla on my birthday:
Next, the festival of colors. I am going to go ahead and say this was the second greatest thing I have done in my life. March was a great month for me.
Life has been pretty beautiful. I honestly can say that there is nothing better than to have the person you like, be your best friend too. It is lovely. Unfortunately Brent is going back to Canada in a week, and isn't coming back until school starts. That is 4 MONTHS. I am beside myself. I guess I am just grateful that we found each other, and that he has supported me these past 6 months. Absence makes the heart grow fonder right? Doubtful. Just the thought of him not being around every day is unbearable. Ah.. well. Here are some jazzy love quotes that will make your heart soar.
You were carved from bone but your heart is just sand and the wind is going to scatter it and cover everything with love.
And love is the scene I render
When you catch me wide awake
And love is the dream you enter
Though I shake and shake and shake you
And love is the best endeavor
Waiting in the lion's mane.
But my hands remember hers
Rolling around the shaded ferns
Naked arms, her secrets still like songs I'd never learned.
What it is and where it stops nobody knows
You gave me a life I never chose
I wanna leave but the world won't let me go.
Everyday we wake up
We choose Love
We choose light
And we try, it's too easy just to fall apart.
so i'll clear the road, the gravel
and the thornbush in your path
that burns a scented oil
that i'll drip into your bath
the water's there to warm you
and the earth is warmer when you laugh.
A bit unconventional, but stunning nonetheless. If Brent read these he would barf, he is a bit of an emotional shell. We are actually opposite on every level, but I like it that way. We wouldn't ever learn anything if we surrounded ourselves with copies of us, would we?
I digress.
This weekend will be semi-fantastic. Tomorrow I am going to Wyoming with Brent, and this stellar place called the Vintage Restaurant and Tea Room. Maybe we will hit up a little nicklecade and end the night with Scream 4. I am optimistic. Then Brent is going to Canada for a couple of days to visit his friend before he goes on a mission, so I am assuming I will hole up in my room and study for finals. Next week, however will be beautiful. I am going to go camping, embark on an adventure to my cabin, throw in some skiing maybe, and you have a recipe for success. However, next weekend will be filled with some painful goodbyes, packing, and heading back to St. George for the summer. I am sooo beyond stoked for that. Not. So I guess these next days will be bittersweet. I'll leave you with some great songs.
I love someones comment on this video: Hey Steve how was your weekend?
--Great, I had a martini, dropped some E and then made out with my house.. you? HA.
That is enough.
"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy."
